bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
