I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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