ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
