Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
