anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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