nut hugger
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
