Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
two words...techno handjob
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
