i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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