PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
