we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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