oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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