she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My ATM looks so different sober.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
