Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
