I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
