I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
FUCK WHALES
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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