your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
