Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
