Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
