and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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