She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
