OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize