My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
last night I used snow as a chaser
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