I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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