Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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