I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
