I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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