Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
