Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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