All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
