Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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