Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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