The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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