Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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