Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you win again, gameday.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize