i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
