do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
