ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize