if only i could text you this smell
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
