its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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