Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
