Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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