Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize