I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
