sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A bitchslap is in order.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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