Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
