Whod you bang
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
