when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize