What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
