fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
