I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
