yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
