the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
