why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
