About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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