i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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