our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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