remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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