piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
