He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
