I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
