I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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