A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
