Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
