Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
