We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
