somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
