dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
