i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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