you guys were way drunker than both of me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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