Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
