giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
