I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
