I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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