She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
