i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
