I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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