woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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