this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
