I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize